 |
| Question |
Answer |
| I've
heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
|
Your
heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears
out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. |
| Should
I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? |
You
must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of vegetable slop. |
| Is
beer or wine bad for me? |
Look,
it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all
know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:
animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are
not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so
that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a
beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. |
| How
can I calculate my body/fat ratio? |
Well,
if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. |
| At
the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press.
What did he mean? |
"Spotting"
for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts.
It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that
it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought
to reevaluate your exercise program. |
| What
are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program? |
Can't
think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain. |
| If
I stop smoking, will I live longer? |
Nope.
Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you
stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. |
| Aren't
fried foods bad for you? |
You're
not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact,
they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you? |
| What's
the secret to healthy eating? |
Thicker
gravy. |
| Will
sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
|
Definitely
not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be
doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared
up any misconceptions you may have had. |
